❤
yesterday we broke up..than ma confiscate my phone..nevermind.. now my mood is getting worst.. i just feel like dying right now..i drank a whole bottle of cough syrup..took 25 pills and knock out.. the feeling suck okay?? why he bother since im the one who initiate the break..?? told him no one's gonna blame him..i am me..death is the consequence of being alive.. i dont care who feels what or do what..its their freedom and i have my own freedom since i do not belong to anyone right now..i will drink, get drank and party till dawn at alex's home!! i live my life the way i want it to be!! SOME PROMISES ARE EITHER HARD TO KEEP OR ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN !! don't have to bother if i live or die..i'll just love you in silence, cry in silence..and i'll move on someday soon !! now all YOU have to do is leave me alone !! weather my friends msg you on what i'm doing, just fucking leave me alone..i die is my problem..get high and steaming like shit, its my problem..i dont even want to hear about YOU right now..even if someday you all me and act as though nothing has happen..i'll tell you these..the scars wont heal..ah fuck it la..its my life la..no one's blaming you and you're not the bad guy..get this straight into your damn head..! DON'T LOOK UP FOR ME ANYMORE!!! now i'm going back to whom i used to be..a wild idiot..emo static..crazy freak..

now i just have a mindset, guys are sitting on their brain..they just hang up the phone and dont even know our tears just atoumatically drop..they stress we not stress huh?? they alone stress la..bf dont call//sms you for 3 days what do you think gf will think?? they will get worried right??than they will give all sorts of fucking dumb excuses.."oh, i'm stress la..oh, i confuse la" need us treat us nice..dont need us dump us aside..what do you take us for?? doormat?? fuck la okay?? its so like shit la..ah whatever la..i lost trust in guys right now..still no one can beat my ex affection for me..and i know it..!! i just feel sometimes guys SHOULD JUST UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL..!! I regret going into a fucked up relationship all over again..guys?? they always win one..they are on the winning side..

since now we are like that..lets just be like that..no friends but nothing..
all i can say is sorry..i cant change the fact that i've done what i've done..
all i can say is thanks for the memories..but i'll move on one day..
i hope whenever you think of me, your heart dies..the way my heart is breaking right now..
its torn into pieces..but i can say you're worth the tears and the heart pain..but the promises i made to you..i'll break them..cause i cant keep them..and im not going to act as though nothing has happen..because its only going to hurt more..and i'm going to bang my head till i find nothing of us in my memories is left..i just want to forget you even as a friend..i'm sorry..its harder to breath right now..forget me..cause i'll forget you..many say not worth to cry over you..but i guess..it is..but its time for me to forget you..i'm really sad, and i'm seriously running a fever..i'm just going to let it run till i go mad someday.. but right now..i'm still loving you..

you held me tight..than you let me go..i left and now im hurt..i wished all this have never happened..and i wish i could reverse time and not knowing you..if my words hit you hard..im sorry.. but what i do right now..i dont want you to chap..i need time to cool down..but i know and i know and i know, i cant be your friend anymore..i'm gving up..it hurts to much to see..

❤
sometimes i feel like departing from this world quietly..from these world just to get away from things that aren't settled yet..i dont want to spare a thought for anyone seriously..everyone have been selfish and why cant i..i should just die sometimes !! seriously..im so tired of giving in to people who have hurt me.. i really think its time i should just not bother bout their feeling..how nice if i just died and everyone just cry !!? i dont care what happens to them..i want to be who i am..be it an idiot..i just dont want to bother how others are concern bout me..i dont.. i'm not happy living this life..i just want to go away form here..


To: shawn and daniel if you are reading this..i really dont care !!

❤trouble and happiness
im so over darren..he is so shit..hahahs
ah whatever..dont think im getting anywhere thou..
ever since nicholas appeared, everything felt much brighter..
hahahs...you could say i like him..but i dont think its time for me to get into relationship..
and i just dont want to hurt anyone.. cause i know
drowned in jas's life and i know everyone blamed him for what happened..till today..
even thou if everything felt as thou its settled..but i know shawn hates him to the core..
and i know the cut wei shu and jas gave me cant be healed..even thou its over between ma and wei shu (w.s) i know i still have him in my heart.. its been9 months since we broke..and he still care
bout my life and i still care bout his thou..even if he use 'her' as and rebound girl..but i cant possibily forget one and a half year with him that over a night..i still miss him at times..he's affection is something i dont want to forget even as a sister..he and i know, we still have that look in
our eyes that we still want to be together..but i know his gonna hurt me all over again.. and its gonna bring all the past back..but me and w.s are just friends..and i know he's still waiting for the answer..on the other hand iwan is starting to freak me out..my gosh..i'm about to go bonkers..
im really going to go mad.. everyone is asking me to give iwan an chance..im not sure thou..i know his a nice guy and stuff..he treats me much better of than jas..but its so hard to love someone you dont even like.. im still thinking should i go for it? if i go for it i wonder what will aishah say..im afraid to be with another malay again..hahahs..im not racist okay?? its just that im not sure..most guys i know are jerks and i dont want to get hurt again..i guess single is the best.. !! headache..daniel and me are in the same situation hahahs !!! he said we both match each other..so we stead..hahas but its meant to be a joke la..hahahs..that mad fella is bonkers..hahahs.. its soon daniel's bday !! me and carol saving money to get that ass a converse shoe...he abit too much la..but last year he opened chalet for my bday so it cant compare to that shoe..plus all the food is bought by him and there was buffet by him too..hahahs..dan's too nice to me..hahahs..but we know each other for almost half our life..knew him like i was 9 yrs old..hahahs.. i love him !!! hahahs !!!! go dan !! happy 19 soon !!!

❤i'll forget what you've done..

❤lost wthout you - delta goodrem
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

❤ytd never blog
shall blog bout ytd !!
OMG !!! i fucking hate him !!
OMG!! nikki told me darren said i got
SERIOUS EMOTIONAL PROBLEM!
wah lau i told benson kor he say ask darren
to watch what he say la..his words can cause death..
i was crying in class can?? because of darren i changed
and stuff than he dont know its okay la..but fuck lei..
really he suck now la..friends or not i dont bother..
but i can say i appreciated what the did for me la.
things like his silly jokes and crap..that made me laugh..
he added colour to my world..but after he said that..i felt as
thou i was from IMH.. im already so depress yet he said that..
i told myself not to cry for him..yet i cant stop..im so angry deep
within..i felt like a junk to him..feel bored msg me..like fuck la..
i'm never going to be an emo anymore..it doesnt matter if it cause me
to change..i will change..and i dont want to let him affect me..
and yesterday i deleted all his msges since day one.. all his msges i kept..
its okay if he loves anoher girl ..i dont care..as long his happy even thou deep
down it hurts alot..i didnt mind..but how can he say i got serious emotional problem??
fuck la..i stop here already..don't want to tag bout this kinda jerks !!

❤daniel's human equation
daniel - liLsaint = alex,
Shaun + alex = liLsaint
therefore liLsaint = love !!!

iwan - shaun / alex = daniel *liLsaint = best friend + ( only girl )

carol - suling * daniel = liLsaint * joel = hafidz - iwan
= carol (liLsaint*joel)/carla
= Loservilles

daniel*shaun*liLsaint-alex+iwan= we love alcohol !!

daniel + shaun + liLsaint + alex = we love each other !!!

❤thank you for all the laughter and jokes you brought into my life.
just all my thoughts of him..im so over you..even if you dont want to continue this friendship its really okay with me..all you have to know is that i have given you everything i've got and my all just to see not hurt..but it ends up you making my heart break..it shattered loudly..i felt the heartache..i dont mind seeing you with someone else anymore..because i know what it means you are happy i am happy..i wish you happiness darren..even if you are reading this, i just want to let you know you have my blessing..but i truely change into a better person for you..but now looks like fate is changing for me and you..im changing for my future not you anymore..i don't mean to hurt you by all this thoughts..but i truly can say you've made me a happier person and i enjoyed the jokes and laughter you brought to my life..but it seems we are just friends..i hope that we still can be friends..but im not shedding a tear for you again..i promise..but thank you for all the jokes and laughter..my life changed because you coloured them for me with your smile..