❤originally fake !
OMG!!!
27 Days to MY SWEET SIXTEEN!!!
anyways..hoping daddy would get me my computer soon!!!
hoping i can get my new phone soon!!N76 !! omg !!!! hot phone!!
hahas..

any ways!!
trying to forget the past...
looking forward to the trip to england with adam!!
mummy and daddy said if they win 4D, im on my way to england!!
wooohoooo!!! i wanna go aus to!! sit my SUPERMAN ESCAPE!!!
AHHH!!! ya!! i can keep on dreaming cause it may not happen!! hahas..
im intending to get 4D for my b.day..hmm..hahas..if i win i'm gonna save my money..
lol..of cause bring my lovable 2 aunts and my mummy and daddy to dinner than the rest of the $$
into the bank..i wanna win back all the money and heartpain!! hahas

OKAYS..enough of my crap!!
feel abit weird this few days..havent been talking to them lately..
heard dan and jill had quarrel and i hope nothing happens between them though..
they look good together !! hahas
dan!! compliment okay!!
hahas..
got biten by mossies!! fuck them la..itchy like fuck can!!
i got sweet blood issit???! *pukes* man!!!! vampire liao lo!!
hahahas!! lame shit la!! damn sian sia!!

i'm going to look for job man!!
arrgghhhh!!!!hahhas

decided to change my bloody attitude!!
its like i'll still give advice but i'm not gonna care much that type of attitude..
do what ever you want..its your choice kinda attitude...cause since the world
don't give ashit bout me..i'll too din't give a shit bout the world..hahas..i know its kinda
mean but its like..i'm an ordinary person soon you'll forget..you wont be bothered by my absence nor presence..so i dont want to bother much.. yups..so now i feel everyone can
sense that change in me like i dont talk to you bout their problems..cause i think i had
enough of pple always come crying to me..but wheni need them where were they?
"hey later call you okay?" after that i never hear from them for a few days later..
fuck la!! this kind of pple i also dont want to help la..
everyone's got their problems,
everyone says the same thing to you, its just the matter of how you solve them
and knowing how to change the things you've been through.. why do things that matter the most,
never end up being what we chose?
i feel I've come to realize, how fast life can be compromised.
step back to see what's going on, i can't believe this happened to me!!

Wake me up when its over

❤alex alex alex !!! ah ALEX!!!!!!
OMG!! stayed in alex's home last night since daddy said i could so went there..thats the very first time i stepped into his house and OMG !!!! his house is so nice !!! its my dream house can??? and his mum is so damn nice!!! omg!! ahhhh...so anyway i slept over in his sis room..and she told me something i wasn't suppose to know about alex..but in anyways its something to do about me..dinner time!! the rice that auntie cooked is not any other rice she used japanese rice to feed the whole family..my gosh!! i wished i was part of them for dinner everyday..and their dishes are simple yet o my gosh..so nice..they would have desert after dinner everyday...how nice..and alex passed me a watch he brought from bugis street..and his younger bro gave me that look..like something fishy..ohkay...i got kinda weird feeling than..than the door bell rang..guess who!! DANIEL and SHAWN !!!they sneak up with beer so we went upstairs to alex room the whole night all of us laughed and got drunk!! than dawn was up, his mum came in she got a shock of her life !! what im about to say is going to shock the whole world cause i was shock myself when i woke up!!
ah fuck i dont believe what i saw...ALEX AND DAN WAS HUGGING EACH OTHER !!!! WAHAHAHAHS!!!!!! GAY MAN!!!! they got up and saw each other the got shock of their life!!!! they sreamed like gays man!!!! ah hahahha!! never felt so happy in a long time than alexandra asked me why haven't i been talking bout 'him" than alex's face turn colour..he asked her to 'SHUDDUP LA!!!" i got shock man !! ohkay that was really obvious liao la..dan was like orh horrr...blah blah blah..had fun though..thani had to go home afterbreakfast..his mum was like..come back again for dinner soon ok?!! before i answered dan said "sure no problem she dont want we force her!! " such a fucker !! i was blushing ok!!! LOL !!! than shawn was like she will la!!! ah fuck they're so fucking dead !! dead like meat !! soon im gonna get my revenge!!
rahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! ass holes !!

alex..im not the one...im still loving someone else..sorry
carla's sis likes you alot..give her a chance okay !! i know you will read this..
and shawn and dan stop your ass hole plan la!!

❤
PAIN, HATRED, ANGER, HEARTACHE AND SCARS

❤just some self thoughts....
sometimes i just feel so tired of going to church and just want to backslide..everyone's asking me to leave CHC...actually i'm confuse..its not them its me.. that spark in my heart is beginning to die down..i feel like i have other things to do than sit my ass there..ppl in church say " what ever is precious to you is precious to God..if you love God than leave your baobei friends.." its like how can?? i know that it wrong to 'neglect' God but at the same time, i do love my friends..they have always been there for me..i have neglected them for 2 yrs..issint it enough..i'm tired to to church too..i want to spend time with the ppl who loved me and brought me up..i dont want to leave them..but if they ask me to choose..i'd rather not choose any..i want it to be fair..they thought me, show me so many things that maybe even now i might not know...for the good times and for the happy times..they are like the air i breath..they are like the blood that flow through my veins..i want to be there for them at times..like they ALWAYS have been..they too, are not perfect..but in my eyes they are precious to me..i can never bring myself to leave them..i share my whole heart with them and GOD..im not being selfish but they too do deserve some credit..

there's so many things happening in my family and in my life..i just want a break from the world..but now nothing can change the situations..i just want everyone to stop telling how to live my life..i can never be really happy..only with my outside world..my true friends, there i find "happiness" i find joy..in the Lord too.. but its so different..physically and emotionally i can say im better off with them..i love my life it used to be 2 yrs ago..and i would like to turn back my life now and be part of where i left off..i dont care what others will think of me..but im much happier with them..

i have a feeling i'll soon leave CHC..im tired of forcing myself to be there..i'd rather not go than force myself..i'll just slowly wait till im really tired..soon the time will come..for the good times and the bad times..CHC has made me realize everything i need to know and i know its not the solution to leaving church..

i dont care who are you..you can leave a comment bout this post saying shit..i dont really care!! i'm old enough to make my decisions..i choose to be my old self..i can choose to live in a total chaos for myself and freedom..or to be with God..but everything i choose has an consequence..
and death is the consequence of being alive..and i'm sick of living with such pain i go through everyday..all the heartaches, scares and damage in my life..i wish i can just stop feeling and it will all go away..

i want back myself being...i've lost my self being..my emotions..turning to be someone i dont know..i'd rather die than to live in misery..regrets..pains..scars and damage !!

just let me be me!!

❤
everything seems to fall apart..damian has left to canada..everyone knows what has happen to me..something bad..and my life seems to be heading for the hills..and i'm gonna breakdown soon enough..one noght out of the house into my aunts home..made me feel i could breath for now..going for a swim later than head for lunch with aunt than go home for awhile...hate to be at home..the air at is so thick i cant breath...i feel so dead inside..i dont know how much more i can take this before i blow..i feel so sick..


liLsaint is dead


i wish i could turn back time and change my life for good..those i was suppose to would be there and those i wasnt suppose to know i would want to know them..i want to live my life without pain and regrets..for those who i've hurt, for those who've hurt me.. i'm forgetting it..i seriously need a break through...my life's a damage!!! fucking sick of this life...feel like opening the damn window of this fifteen floor story and jump !!! nothing has ever gone right in place before..its messed up.. and it really suck !!

❤
to you know who you are:
i wish i could hear your voice on my phone once again.. everything seems to change includes me..i dont want you to change..i hope you'll stay as cheerful as ever..and you know i still miss you..all i can say is sorry..i just hope one day you turn back and still will rmb me..when you move on rmb us..i do want to hate you so i can forget you..but i cant..i always wonder how are you? are you okay? still mad at me?? and stuff.. but now every night it feels like i'm missing you alot..thank you for all you sacrifices..i dont know how to express how much i miss you..i want to msg you but it seems so difficult and it seems forever..if i could have another chance i'll never ever let you go again..one day if i leave before you, just rmb that i have loved you alot.. and it hurts typing all these..everyday is another day but it felt like it just yesterday i left..just hope that one day we'll be together again and that you'll walk my life journey with me..






____________________________________________________________________


me sitting up sleeping after getting drunk..bloody alex snapped shot me..

was drunk at dan's place on 06082007
had alot of fun..running around and clowning away..
joshua got drunk than he was clowning away when lisa pulled
his pants down!! LOLS.. me and shawn died laughing..it was a long long long
time since i laughed so much..alex, shan me and shawn went home in cab..hahas..
but it one of those days when i had alot of time to laze around..
but it looks like those mad days are coming back!!
hahahs..yup..

____________________________________________________________________

adam and me


farah and me

snap shot..handsome right??!!!


____________________________________________________________________

❤
i'm still sad bout what has happen.. but guess what..i'm getting along each day of my life..trying to forget him and stuff..everything that has happen in the past are just bullshit to me now.. every little thing i do i still rmb him..so i've deleted his number and msges..changing number again soon..alex was like "eh what the fuck la!! how many time you want to change?? got nothing better to huh?? that guy call, he call la..his blody pasar..!!" hahas..alex is so damn lame can??! hahas..yea..im being who i was suppose to be..anyways i dont want to talk bout him already..i'm suppose to forget him..

talking bout FOP.. i did not go on sunday just to avoid someone..lame!! anyways..jump and jump until my leg pain sia!! hahas ... shawn and jill, alex and dan went i didnteven know !! wtf la..never tell me if not i sit with them..hahas.. than on saturady after FOP i went to take bus 12 la..pack like shit than at this stop one fucking old bloody shit woman keep asking me, esther, su and cherlyn and some other youngsters to go up..bloody fuck!, no space nvm..tell them no space still ask us go up! wah piang i tak boleh tahan i sh0ut say damn loud la.."lan jiao la, no space how to go up..the meter spoil dont understand huh?! nah bei!! .. lol.. at that time i was tired and cranky..kinda agitated and wasnt really in the mood due to me getting really tired..lols..hhahas..that woman stare at me la..i was like about to shout at her.. but i told myself to control my fucking temper..

than when got space liao..me and esther set together la..every song i play i almost want to cry..bloody shit..lols..aiya..whats the point of crying when everything is said and done..that's what i told myself..everynight feels so different now..i wonder issit because i left him or because i changed me..i really wonder what made it this way..hahas.. but i learnt my lesson..its okay..i'll just take it as another mistake..

i'm going to be a history maker in this land, im gonna be a speaker of truth to all man kind !!
i coming back to heart of God..
its late and dark, i'm going back Home..
i've lost everything, my self being,
the control of my emotions..
and now, i'm going to lay my life back at the altar..
another mistake is another level of faith and strength that i have to build to get over..