❤this pain crushed my world !!
mum n dad quarrel again!! what the fuck la..i cant do much..they are so selfish!!! have they like ever spare a thought for me n sarah?? how will she feel when she grows up?? the pain i feel now will the the pain she feels twice!! why do the both have to blame each other?? isnt it enough?? how long more do they one to carry this?? isnt kenny's death show that life is too short?? until one family member dies i hope you'll be happy..i cant take this stress..im holding on too long..im tired i had enough..really..this life is beginning to make me hate it once more..im just too tired..

and for darren's thing i dont want to bother anymore..maybe i should just let him go..and really go on vow..i dont want to feel the pain..i wished i never met him, talk to him, cared for him, whatever you name it..i just wish i could forget the past..EVERY SINGLE ONE PERSON!! i wish i could just bang my head i forget every thing..somethings i should not have bothered..things i shouldn't medal with i hurt it, my heart.. just wish i could rip it out..stab it..throw it away and never love again..maybe its all meant to be..

Damian, i know you catch up with my blog and stuff..i want to say is ever since you left, my life turned upside down..you are the only big bro i ever go to for help..now i just want to get away from the world like you..you in canada.. i just want to carry on my dreams and not let it get crushed yet again..

sometimes beginnings aren't so simple..
sometimes solutions aren't that simple..
sometimes goodbyes are the only way...

now i realized love issn't for me now..just forget the world..carry on with my dreams..
7 mnths since i love him and hurt myself for him..i realized what you been through..the pain just hurts so much..


to darren..


dearest love,
I hope this message finds you well
as these endless thoughts drip from my soul
every single word secretly paints a fairytale
of when we will melt into one...

eyes forfeit sight to the pain
cold scalpel's steel whispers tear at my very core
as I cling to memories of you

were the last words that I wrote for you enough to tell you
that in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness
was a blinding vision of your eternal smile?

it's me again,
is it me or am I wrong to be concerned?
will the beauty of your pen ever cross my eyes again?
was this all a lie? why?

were the last words that I wrote for you enough to tell you
that in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness
was a blinding vision of your eternal smile?

make it stop, make this pounding in my head stop
fill my lungs with air, give me one more day to make his dreams come true
he understands right? that I'm not coming back...
he understands right? that I'm not coming back...
make it stop, make the pounding stop
I'm not coming back, I'm not coming back, I'm not coming back...
I don't know what happened...who would have thought my life would end up like this?
I didn't mean to hurt him, not hurt him like this...I can't feel my legs
I can't feel my legs and I can't even cry...how could somebody die like this?

if my words ever reach you I'll assume you don't care
never knew that silence could cut so deep or that you could twist the blade
now I curse all of your beautiful lies..
I love you and goodbye...

were the last words that I wrote for you enough to tell you
that in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness
was a blinding vision of your eternal smile?

cold scalpel's steel whispers tear at my very core
as I cling to my memories of you...



this is what i feel after all this for you..
i may look strong on the outside..im actually bleeding alot in the inside..
being emotional is one thing..but being an Emo is another..
dont judge me anymore..


Congratulatoions, i hate you
'liLsaint