❤shopPig
well last night i decided not to do tattoo le..
many say when i grow up a lil more will
regret..so you know? im afraid of regrets!
hahas..so i decided only after getting
married to someone who truly loves and
freaking understands me..than i'll do..

bloody shit..slept at 2 am woke up at 4am
slept at 6am woke up at 7am fell asleep at 7.45am
woke up at 8 50 am than cant sleep le..
for past 4 days issit something that is bothering my soul
and i just cant figure it out..IT was so powerful to wake
me up in such a deep sleep..IT like just shake me to wake
me up and its horrible..im shaking on the inside so
badly better yet im always at home alone..how terrifying?












Psychologist Horror

❤Gay Day
well went out with gayboy to orchard..
bloody hell..i fell so gay when walking with him.
humans around just kept looking at him,

went shopPIG! we ate at Tony's Romania
wow the prok ribs were AMERICAN SIZED!
The beans TOO! the fries were hugely HUGE!
and the price were verrrryy much BEAUTIFUL..
found a hole in my pocket after that..than i thought
to myself.. i NEED A JOB and QUICK!

than went to watch shutter...well i quite guessed
what it was like..THE SAME AS THE THAI VERSION!!
BUT THE THAI WAS ALOT MORE HILARIOUS
ONLY ONE PART..HAHAS!!! GAYER ONLY..
HAHAS..h well..

OH LOW! going home was the best part..
some random wrapped up dumpling ass hole
and a random turban dick picked a fight in train
causing my brains to burst..their TURBAN languages
were to fast and i could see spits of fountain spilling out
of their mouth..OH LOW, and the best part..
THAT CABIN STINKED..smelled of DURIAN!
wah lau!! i almost suffocated in there..
i used to like it but than i realize it doesnt taste
the same so i decided to hate it..well if smelt like
doing maths..and its so difficult to solve it kills the brain
same for durian..it kills the brain for smelling it so much
no oxygen to the brain..ya..so i guessed durian is dangerous too
once the shell fall from the table its gonna hit you hard
on ya feet..EEE not thanks..enough of scars!!
hahas..

well i think for 11.59 now is a lil too early for my family to sleep
everyone except me is sleeping..how horrific?? the family of
sleeping disorder..talking bout disorders..i guess my eating disorder
is okay for now..ONLY FOR NOW..it'll come back again..i promise!
i'll make it come back! HAHAHAS!! EVILNESS IN MY PATHETIC
EYE!

well..being different from the crowd is good..like GayBoy..
attention ya?? OH LOW..im bored to death??! and i only ate lunch
and im feeling hungry now?? WTF?! of all thing now?! damn it!
Bitch..i have to stop eating..!












well..all the junkie i had for to day..hahas



A vacant eye waiting to be occupied.

❤When My Summer Fades To Fall


if i had a dream, hold onto you, I'd never want to wake up.

if i told you bluntly i love you all this time.. the days i spent
going out with you the days i talked to you..the things i got
for you..the love that never felt so deep before, would you
never ignore me? would you never avoid me? For all that
i done i never was obsess with you..just want to go the extra
mile for you..just wanted to be where you are..but knowing you
liked her even for a glimpse of her in the crowd..i know i'll never
stand that chance..the look in your eyes..the one you have for me
is just another friend..well i don't want to love you but i can't choose.





today was a mess..sprained ankle couldn't
get off the double deck bed properly..almost
fell in the toilet..went to fetch sarah..walk down
the stairs also almost fell..whats wrong with me??
im feeling the blues,feeling the crappy-ness..
messed up day today..hope tmr go BLUES
with gay boyfriend get that freaking cap
then he can cheer me up with his jokes..
and see jolyn there..so she can pressure me to do
piercings and tattoo and so i dont have to cry
than later go dinner with linette and cher cher's
friends with rachael for dinner..well i've gotta
mood for punching someone or something
and cutting myself and drinking and shafting
pills down my throat. and maybe murder myself
to taste what death in hell feels like and than coming
back to life..and tell the world "HELL YEAH!"
god! this suck! i dont know where else in earth
can i step to..everywhere i go i see his reflection..
i dont want to carry on in circles that never end..
well its not just another day..its fucking pissing me
off nowadays that life just seems so colourful and
everyone around is so glummy and that makes me sick
going to shave one part of my hair like some PUNK SHIT!
well considering if i should do that..well you'll see
the 2006 me..blooming short hair..like some shit..
but shorter than that like some bung hairstyles..
well to live out my dream i have to..but its hard to keep
my long hair back...AHH FUCK!














P.S. I LOVE YOU WAY TOO MUCH.
Chaotic TO Havoc

❤FUN and more FUN!
went out to church with daddy ytd..
well his church service was wayyyyyyy
toooo boring for a kiddo like me..as usual..
well...

than went out with my three best guys friends
and 2 best girl friends..! yay!! was happy...
passed by a swatch booth..than i saw this watch
i really liked..damn..its on my hand now..hahas
alex got it for me at 3 digit price.. wow..i was
super duper uberly happy la..well..its crazy..
he was like... " you like it ? want it? okay set..
lets get it !!" i was errrrr? huh??
in the end he got it even though i said no..
pig was laughing away..basket ball..
LOL..well happy..hahas..an now i owe him an
ed hardy tee..im not going to accept the gift for
no reason.. :D sorry lex! no way..

well went to moothy's house played a lil of bball..
wow night time had some INDIAN delicacy..
kinda high..LOL..went home..


BEST PART!!

was walking walking walking happily than the
grass there got hole, right foot set in it..OUCH!!
nice leg man..sprained it..pig and gavin was laughing
like nuts...now i cant walk properly...sobs..tmr start work
le..FUCK!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeyyyyerrrrrrrr!!! alex sent me home
in taxi..ass hole just wouldnt let me take bus home..
stupid ball head...haiyerrr... 22 dollar taxi bill just from moothy's home..
wow wee...damn it..he paid for it again..hais...whatever..
sent me home..daddy laughed too..rahhhhh!! stupid pig!!
oh well.. now im thinking..once i get my pay..im going to save
bout 1000 ++ than i want to get my N76 or N95 8 GB one..
shit...alot of money!! i need an rich boyfriend..hahas..JOKING
not that bitch! hahas...


this 5th april sat..cant see me in church..i'll be doing my eyebrow and body
TATTOO and my lips and my industrial piercing done..so much pain in a day..
and after that i'll be rioting with kishton..hahas..shit how???

ROSE OR STAR?! damn it..i might want to do my name..
haiyoyoyoyoyo...my heart keeps telling me dont because
i might regret..and my mind keeps saying..mum and dad allow
so no problem..just do it plus mummy is paying..ah fucking hell..
i hate this..i dont know what to doooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!













ADVICE PLEASE???
alex is doing tattoo together with me
now its to make up my mind..
HELP!!!!

❤clap ya hands
well im in an noisy house..
fever cant stop licking me...
LOL..im in an qi's house now..
hahas merv and alex is here..
well..

today went out with michael..
funny person..hahas..clapping his
hands..and catching ppls attention la
i was like -_-"'.. okays?? hahas..
was a bugis..guessed i saw yu ting..
mic went to buy his badges for the hat.
well i only like the hat..cause obvious ans..
its black..hahas..LOL..thats retard..
well went home in bus 12

OH LOW!! i saw ned and gf..
and the guy beside him was
OMG HOT!!! oohh la la..
hahas..he talks like a rocker
and he's really funny..hahas
and he's here in an qi's home..
ooh..hahas..he's hot..oh low..
nice guy..but not for me...
bloody emo..hahas...i need colour!!
someone who has colour..er LOL..
yea..whatever..hahas..saw darren lin
at bedok inter..stupid emo grab my head
so tight..mess my hair..hahas..
well..bro was there..brought wei shu..and chris.
fuck..i was like shit..i dont want to see them..
too much of memory..well they changed..
heard ws broke up..and i dont want to know
the rest..oh well..having fun now..
alex's got project tmr..that leaves me with
gavin and pig..and they going to youth park..
dang..i dont want to go..zul and helmi will be there..
hahas..well going down to play fireworks le..
tonight is shu qi's 21 bday..



HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!








my 21 will not be celebrated in S'pore..
and definitely not with him..
oh well..







loads of sleep.. (:

❤dont have to spell out for you..REALIZE!
wellsaturday started out fun! went to tm at 10.15 to get lollis for couple of ppl..
than went to UGT..it was fun..Ah beng (jacky)was damn good with beat boxing..
first thing i saw him was -------- AH BENG!!! an reply came back..------- Ah Lian!!
wah..hahas..well..

5 lollis given out were to:

1. Esther
2. Sylvia
3. Ah Beng (jacky)
4. Michael
5. Me Myself and I

oh well..there was the main performance..
the most painful sight to see and the most loudest scene was
Rainft getting slap by the "dad"...OH LOW..it was a real one and
his earring flew off..OH LOW...i was like AHHHHouch...damn...
than i asked him was it pain..

this was the best reply i ever heard from someone getting slapped
" it was shiok..!! it was awakening.." im like -_-"' you're sick la..
i even heard for the rehearsals...he got slapped that hard too..
OH LOW..that was pain man!

well than AH BENG shared his life testi..i was blessed with his testi..
stupid ah beng..HA-HA-HA! well his one of the best beatboxers i ever heard..
well JIA YOU!!

than we were shuttered down by bus..to expo..HAHAHAHAHA!!
slept all the way..hardly could wake up..OH LOW! damn tired..
hahas! well found jacq than asked her for the ugt WOOSH photos..
- michael basa,min kuan,AH BENG and melvin.. ( the cool $rich$ guys)
well in the drama only..HAHAHAHAHAHA...

looked for michael that BIG BABY! well gave him the lolli i said i would..
well..idk when would we go for movie..with esther....rahhhhhh!!

easter is coming and im so tired to reach out..OH LOWWWWW..im so lazy

as for sunday..it turned out SCARY!! but in the end i did not have to suffer..
went for bloody charity..than i got rejected..dac said i cant donate blood due
to women's BLAH BLAH...oh well i felt a relive..hahahas...cool..

daddy came too..well yong qiang was way taller than daddy..
than daddy ask zhi honh, yong qiang and su to bring me next round for
bloody charity..wah paing! wah liu, wah seh! i scared enough..he still can
say so much..

oh well went to eat lunch with su..went home saw randy and wei jie playing bball..
decided to join them..but only like 30 min..felt so tired i needed to sleep..
went home bath..than i did not bother to dry my hair..went to sleep till like
daddy came home at 6+ + well i got up and had a bloody wonderful time of HEADACHE!
bloody wet hair..went to get the stupid hairdryer.. that was how i spent my weekends..

today! i got up oh lowwwwwwww early..like 8 50..gosh..went to repair my phone..
35 bucks for the bloody usb cover..daddy sure scold me like hell la..well i dont care
i want it pretty..so?? it dosent matter! oh low.. the walk home was so painful
i want to eat blog than sleep!

i cant talk much la..im too depress..till my phones comes home..
i feel sad..i want my baby to come home..im missing my phone already..
this sucks! oh well..bet my phone is having a good time..refreshing its own
motherboard..and upgrading its brain..haiyos..i wish i did not have to service
my phone...







sad commentary in and of itself..
well i go watch movie le..than go sleep..
wont see my online for a few days..
goodnight ppl..

❤bummers love
was kinda fun last night at bbq..
got to know NURSING friends..
and they were amazingly lame yet funny..
laugh till you drop esp matthew and i dunno who..
some apple guy than yi xian's bf..idk how to spell his name..
pinching each other's "purple peanut" laughing like hell..
yi xian;s f singing the LJ song..and the apple tee guy making some effect
dang funny though..matt was singing to Mas Selamat Hari Raya..
(Must selamat hari raya..) fuck man..lame..than i cant say everything or else
its gonna be dang long and i'm lazy to type..
was fun though..hitched a ride from matthew..well got back at hometown
at 11 i guess..got scolded.. " you're half an hour..seems so LONG huh??"

well went home like around a 4 AM..
fucking sick shit..was playing around with
the same group..went to my house playground..
made damn alot of noise..beer and alcohol bottles every where..
spits and ciggs were amazingly entirely everywhere..
hope the cleaner pukes.. well fun too..wei wen's pants got sat on to alex's
spit if im not to wrong.. HAHAHAS..well man..in the bible said
"for he who curse you, I will curse him back for you" wei wen keep cursing me..
hahas..indeed the night was long and the day was short..i prefered the night..
cause am's got me my cheese cake..like fucking wow la! i was happy..alvin's
little bro was there..lil-mike and he was pulling my god damn hair..
hahas..couldnt bear to let that 4yr old off.. j sent me home..hahas had a fun time
pulling his hair..bite his hand and he almost murdered me in the lift..
well came to the 6th floor the stewardess she got shock..came out of the lift,
brust out laughing till we reached the gate..waited for my dad to unlock the gate..
than he left..aww how sweet can he be?? hahaas..but we still have alot of doubt..
well every moment spent will turn into beautiful memories..
















P.S. I LOVE YOU..

Tell me what you want 'cause I would give you anything,
Tell me what you need and I'll go get it.
I'd give up all these dreams to have you in my arms right now,
I'd give up everything and I'd forget it..

❤will tmr make me feel better?
im so tired of keeping that smile on my face..
im so tired of taking so much medication..
its just keeps on piling more and more
i dont know whats wrong with my body intake..
my body is getting weaker..falling very ill..
whatever food goes in..will come out more than what i eat..

i asked god "why is this happening to me?"
everytime daddy has to go court for the divorce thing
everything seems worst for me the next day..
im not sure how long can i can make it through..

i dont know why am i here for..
i dont know who am i living for..
i dont know where my life is heading
i dont know when i am getting out of this..
i dont know when will my family be back together again..
probably it never will happen..

each time i close my eyes to sleep..
i wish death would bring me away..
i wish i never had to worry..

can someone tell me when will this stop?
is anyone there when i'm shooting signals??
can someone help me stop this pain
i cant go through myself anymore..
im not this strong as i used to be..
im not brave enough to go through this anymore..
its become harder for me to smile as days pass by..
the air gets thicker by the minutes ..
the clock ticks slower by the seconds...
WHEN WILL MY LIFE END??

than i asked god again " When will this pain go away?"
When can i ever be myself again..
is church the only place i can be myself??
if it is i want to stay there forever because being at
home has me to drag my feet home..
this is not the teenage i life i wished for..
















THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT
bring me away..to some where i dont have to worry and be sad..
take me some where no body knows..

❤So Addictive!
TODAY TODAY!!
im so so so HIGH!
hahas..very cute..
not its too cute..
okay today i saw HIM!
OMGosh.. he's so funny
HAHAHAHA! okay its getting
really disturbing..
why everytime see him, i SMILE like and idiot.
and after that i go high

oh well..everything felt so
THE WAY I WANTED IT FOR A LONG TIME
i felt so HAPPY TODAY PLUS i wore WHITE tunic
wow..next week black but Easter i might be wearing hot pink..
LETS SEE bah.. hahas..
well i want to put more colours in my life for myself and HIM!
hehes..

anyway monday going for my FIRST guitar lesson with EUGENE!!
GO BRO! hahas..well did some stupid thing and i think i hurt my elbow joint..
SHIT it HURTS! ALOT and I MEAN ALOT..
HAHAS! well i hope it heals or i might make it worst..
idk..no idea..my brains are in a haywire now..dad is making me laugh
like shit..like really shit..HAHAHAS! IT'S POUNDING PAIN STARTS AGAIN!
haiya cant blog liao la..pain man!









I LOVE YOU
You Are All That I Adore..
You make me smiled in the bus!

❤Where Would We Be Now?


If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this **much** is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?














I cant explain much no more..

And now I must confess, that I'm a sinking ship
And I'm anchored by the weight of my heart
Cause it's filled with these feelings
But I keep my true thoughts locked, beside my hearts black box
And it won't be found, it won't survive through the smoke or the wreckage