❤Drunk and I'm feeling down
today was FUN!
hmm well, im happy.
and sad, and neutral
maybe numb.

food was nice at newton
drank two COCONUT. hahas.
hmm. well im full like a pig.

well than took a bus home
nice long thinking journey.

earlier in the day,
met linette to do
some "ERRAND"
hmmm hahahahaha!




"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel"




trying to free.
scars reminds me that the past is real.

❤unprepared changes
hmm. i dont know where to start

Adam and Farah are in S'pore..
hmm fun..i have bruises too..
owwwwwch..yup. well its been fun.

hmm.. just fun..
yup.. i'm physically tired.
was out the whole week..
still deciding should i go
suntec..?? or just stay home..
i really want to sleep.
just sleep. im soooooo tired.
but they are leaving for HK on
thursday come frieday, ya..
be back in a weeks' time but
only three days..

hmm.. ya.. was thinking of
going to work and save moneyyyyyhhh
and go UK to have FUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!
the chocolate factory. and LONDON (:
HAHA! okay. yup.. but i know i'll
freeze to death somehow..yape.

really tired though very exhausted
in thoughts. thought throughout the
whole of last night, i have really
changed alot in terms of attitude..
kinda alot more scary.. i dont know
maybe its just the face behind the
makeup just afraid to let myself
hurt myself again. so maybe i began
to protect myself in wrong ways..
i dont know.. i just dont want to live..
jsut want to sleep and never wake up.
friends just seem to know me as nice and
friendly and easy to get along. but it
sometimes get to the point:
"you dont know me well enough to tell me
what to do" but i try to tell myself
to take them as advice and change.
but i just seems as i am not good enough.
im not satisfied with what i am and what i have
i just want more of SOMETHING BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT!


i really rhank God for good friends around me.
ya. cause im really someone who cant control
my emotions and the lies that i make up for not
telling friends "im not okay" has began to become
so "like" the truth. i cant seem to talk to
anyone how i feel anymore. i feel so dead inside
not the BEN DEAD but DEEEAAAD! just dont want to
do anything. just want to die thats all..
and im not being all emo and stuff.. i just feel..
RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH STOP PUSHING ME
TO DO THINGS I DONT WANT TO! JUST



FUCK OFF!



thats how i feel.

❤Black Trash Bag
Well its 6 24++ in the morning..
not much humans online.. only gavin,
shawn and lex but i think they are all
asleep??

well im all dressed up like WTH??
i know..its 6 24++ only lei??
shouldnt you be sleeping??
neh my cousins are arriving in my
house around 6.45.. but my my family
is still sleeping..as you all know
i cant let ppl see my face without
make up plus so early in the morning,
i'll look damn horrible..

hmm.. its kinda sad for me i know..
but whatever....... bleah...
okay..hmm..sky is still dark..so scary
yup im afraid of the dark..hahas..
rahhhh it so boring when you got no school
to go to.. damit..ya'll may feel
its fun but its stress to..no moneyy..
yup..haiya..


i gtg.. ya..later eating swensens..
hmmm yummy.. be jealous! LOL.
well yup. update ya'll again tonight (:

❤unsafe
I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

❤fucktard
if you tried calling or texting me,
sorry if i dont pick up or reply.





dead.

❤Untitled.
well im wondering why do i exist here for??
what am i here for?? what is my purpose??
the emptyness inside is unexplainable..

im desperate for an answer.
i cant believe i've survived
all this years. and what have
i gain through all this??

well im not having a mid life crisis thing.
but i sure am very in a very bad situation.
im in the saddest state once ever been
I cant explain what im feeling inside,
this is no place to try and live my life,
the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up

I feel like, I would like..
to be somewhere else doing something that matters
and I'll admit here, while I sit here,
my mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
whats the purpose? It feels worthless
so unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit and
I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail again
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all??

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it convincing myself the world's doing just fine
without me. Doing anything of any consequence,
without me. Showing any sign of ever making sense
of my time , it's my life And my right,
to use it like I should. Like he would,
for the good of everything that I would ever know

Yeah, I'm not angry. And no, I'm not upset.
It's taken me awhile. But this is what I've learned.
Emotional attachment is really not a threat.
When I'm simply not concerned to the things
that I take on, I soon shrug off'cause, I know no
one will ever be content with the way things are
or with what they've got.
So I've given up and now I'm just indifferent.

You all laugh at me like I'm not happy
with anything, any time, anywhere
and the half of me's all about apathy
and the other half just doesn't care
and I must admit, all the words you spoke,
I hated, cause I don't see just how I can be motivated
enough to break a sweat over a dying race.
It seems our fate is something we've already embraced

So take a wild guess
It's like I just couldn't care less
If all the things you find impressive
Just blew up and made those messes
That you'll frantically repair,
lke it's a life or death affair
and all the while you're unaware
for this, you really shouldn't care
but it's so hard to see the reality
that the end will be the end of things
and our hearts are all we get to bring
So go ahead and make them worth something.

I'm well aware that everything
Is a far cry from all right
I'm well aware that all of us
Can at times, be too uptight
And possibly, the remedy
Is a dose of apathy
You point your finger at you
I'll point mine right back at me

I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that the memories that you
select you keep the bad but the good you just forget
and even though I'm angry I can still say I know my
heart will break the day when you peel out and drive
away I can't believe this happened..

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault
I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting atyou said goodbye
and I just don't want you regretting that and wisdom always
chooses these black eyes and these bruises over the heartache
that they say never completely goes away.

I remember when I used to wake up
i remember what I used to be I remember how
I used to wake up so wrong now I remember this life
I left behind,
on empty shelves,
in empty rooms,
in lifeless skys
In lifeless skys,
in empty shells
I remember when I used to
Be my own self
I remember when we were so young
I remember when I used to
wake up so lost nowI remember when we were so,
My friend,
My own,
My end.
Break watch me break,

This life has never made me questionis it wrong to think
how empty is the answers
This life has never made me questionis it wrong to think
This life I left behind. This life I left behind for you...

❤Help me Sleep without your memory
i think i made a very bad decision.
its poundering my mind. its worst than
a headache. what have i done to deserve this?
what did i do to get this in return. the past week,
thinking to myself, did i brought this upon myself?

i suck at everything. i hate myself.
i hate everything i've become!
i hate what i done. i hate my decisons!
i wished i'd just die!

even if any of you read this shit.
dont call me i wont entertain any calls.
i wont entertain anyone's call.
im done talking all that i've gotta say.
im dont care what i am in anyone or
everyone's eye. i dont care.
i really dont.

I DONT NEED SYMPATHY!
I DONT NEED COMPASSION!
I DONT NEED PITY(S)

if you hate me, say it to my face.
dont go behind my back saying
things bout me. BESIDES. look,
whose the slut? i'm still a virgin
UNLIKE YOU! WHORE!
sleeping with every boyfriend you have!
hope you have aids! die bitch die!!
hope you get fucked till you rot!
ROT WITH AIDS!!

Since IM YOUR "BIGGEST THREAT" to you
give me a break. im not the one whose hard up
for someone to fuck..im not codependant. =)
i dont need to have a man to feel big.
if you find it offensive, im sorry. at least i dont
go behind other ppl's back and tell them their
friends "OMG!! SHE'S A SLUT" and blah blah blah..
blabber and blabber.. stop being a gossipmonger la.!
no life issit?? dont you know the whole world hates you??
no wonder, i know why.. you're just jealous. and you got
no friends. but you dont have to GO BEHIND EVERYONE'S
back bitching bout them.

if you want to throw something in my face
DONT THROW LIKE A BITCH!
HARDER MAN!! THROW HARDER.
and get the correct information before
"slapping" someone. stop being dumb.
everyone is laughing behind your back!
dont make yourself a laughing stock!
i was surprise that ***** told me that you
went all the way to bitch bout me for no
reason so everyone would talk bout me.
guess what.. im not what you think i am
im not a shallow as you. im not as dumb
as you. like i say, if you want to throw
something in my face to insult me infront
of my friends. FIND SOMETHING BETTER!
SOME HARD PROOF I "CAT FIGHTED" WITH YOU
if not fuck off and die. Please if you think im so
free to fight with you, i'd rather sleep. cause you're
a small fly to me. one flick of a finger. i make
sure the rest of your life will be hopeless =)
you know it what i say i can do. im not afraid
if your so called boyfriendS you fucked with
is from gang..ahhhhh whatever!! WHATEVER!!!
Pai kia?? kannasai la! you?? you're just a slut
in line, queing waiting for HIV. wow.. i am so no
surprised. well whatever seriously.
you can fuck the barks of the tree..
SHAMELESS SLUT!!!!!!!!!!


yours truly
laura.

❤Hope You Had Fun Breaking My Heart
TO: Whoever you know who you are.

Thanks for breaking my heart. you had fun didnt you?
9 months looking for an answer. when i thought i could
move on, you came back. but forgiven. friends again.
but broken. thanks for being there but i think i dont
need you anymore. i know what im feeling inside, saying
that i know it hurts, but i'll be fine without you the same
as those lonely 9 months hope you would come back some
day, but its just my wishful thinking.


im broken to do anything. if you are ready to leave again,
go ahead. cause you never needed me anyways. you can
have your way. im not going to look for you yet again.
i think i've done far too much for you and you did nothing
but instead hurting me further in my misery. I've made up
my mind. I need to move on and get far away from here.
Im surely you had everythingto throw it in my face.
Making me fall even deeper into my misery.

Avenging?
No point. I guess what goes round will
come round.its just a matter of time.

Sorry(s)?
I had enough. Its as good as a lie
till you understand a life you caused.

Turning time back?
You never treasured what you have till its gone.

Tears?
I cried enough. for you? i doubt.

Love?
Yours might be just a lie.

Leaving?
You Left. and you never came back.
taking you back, might you do the same?

Assurance?
Time will tell.

Decision?
I've made up my mind. Not to keep breaking
my heart, but lock it inside.



Goodbye, Goodnight, For Good.

❤Indie Rock!


OMG!! hahas NERD!!

LOL!!
sleep not enough though.


anyways was playing skateobard at GIANT
i didnt balance properly than just start..
OH SHIT who knew?? i fell.. fuck!!
my ankle hurts.. so much for an OLLIE..
damn it !! hahahas..

OH wells...LOL!!
had a fun day. Tmr is going to be good!!




AND I WILL FLY!!
ROAM THE SKY.
LIFTING YOUR GLORY.

❤Sweetheart, You are sadly mistaken.




Well any ways im kinda upset for all that has
happened recently. Its affecting my mood seriously..


okay seriously.. its pissing me off..
oh wells, havent been eating properly again.
im like i dunno why..but ya.. i dont care anyways.


eyah.. all thats happen is making me to think
and trust pple in properly..
maybe its because i've been with some friends for so
long i see no flaws in them. but i think it's time
for them to understand im losing friends because
of them. well not many of you..just that i need you to know,
you have to change. cause you're causing everyone to worry and
some to hate. and i DON'T want to be in the middle..
its time you understand that the things you say might
make someone hate you. or even it might even happen (CURSES!).
Im not trying to say i hate you because i dont hate anyone.
well everyone has their problem. but because you're my friend
and on the other hand the others are my friends too. and for
ONE THING i know, i dont want to see you carrying on this
life with no purpose, just living on each day on its own.


Matthew 5:13-16
" You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor,
how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be
thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light
of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor
do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand,
and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before
men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven"


this is one of the purpose in a christian walk, To Shine.

Someone told me this,
"Your words can either cause Life or even Death"
and sometimes it also jeoperdise friendships.
Well many of you know what im saying la..


sometimes i feel you gotta think
twice before you wanna say something.
cause its really irritating when
you're in/doing something
someone has to put their fucking
2cents worth in it, and what comes out
in the end, FULL OF BULLSHIT.


And also not forgetting, things that you hear
sometimes, its better not to open your trap.
Cause at the wrong time, you'll end up in hot
soup, junk loads hates you. Well. ya..
If you understand what im trying to say.
If not, you can carry on your pathetic lil no life of yours.


Btw, sometimes you gotta just suck it up to life
and eat the humble pie and get on with life
than to suffer with whatever you're suffering with.
Life is like black jack. AMEN to that. triple 7, you aced it
or 21 points. but if your card comes down to a 15 or 16.
either run or take. well back to reality. you have to take it
cause if you run, you're gonna come back into this circle once again
and its not going to help, its gonna get worst.
Well..WAKE UP AND SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM!


And don't worry what you will look like
nor how you dress cause,


Matthew 6:25-28
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what
you will wear. Is life not more important than food
and the body more important than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or
reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?
Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the
field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;"









P.S. : I'm not hating anyone by what i wrote.
but i think its the only way i can express it to whoever im trying to tell.
if you think im saying bout [YOU] well i'm sorry. you can call and ask
Which i doubt [YOU] will. ya. get my point?






Okay Im done Talking.
Thanks For Reading this Junk.

and also the past 3 post, due to some stuff i deleted them.
YUP!

❤My Jesus, My Lord
i just want to clear things up.

i am not able to patch some friendship thing.
but im very sure we are cool. but it WILL never be the same as before.

i dont want things to happen again
cause i might blow up. everyone has
their own problem.

but anywho..









Service was cool. VERY ZAIIII!!
hahas..oh well..fun service..

Pastor was so funny..
Zuo Lang Ai Zai..
Sounds damn MICHAEL ONG!
hahas.. YUP!!

oh low..LOL!


Standing in awe of Your grace
Setting my feet in Your ways
Entering into Your presence
To behold You face to face
God of all Heaven and earth
Holding me in Your embrace
Unfailing love that surrounds me
Oh..God I stand amazed

Chorus

My Jesus, My Lord
You're the love of my life
Wherever You go Wanna be by Your side
No longer I But Christ living in me
Serving You for all eternity
My eyes set on You In this race that I run
No longer my ways Let Your will be done
Make me a servant My heart's ever true
Clinging to the cross
I'll follow You
I'll follow you

❤if life isnt good enough?
hey guys, im back.
i know some of you have been tring to contact me.
ya. kinda problematic last of whole week.


well this week is a new week, there'll be lots of stuff going on still!
reasong for why i havent been blogging is still because of tyler.
stilll feeling sad bout what happen.
why do bad things have to happen??
fuck this world!

well..

i dont care.
since i cant change what have happen,
i'll change what i know thats gonna happen,
imma gonna do something that'll change me la
i feel life isnt all bout love.


i'll be a free girl from two to three years from now.
in somewhere i can have freedom.
do what i wanna do. and something i've always wanted to be.
i need not remember all the hurt that have been through,
nothing to lose, all gained.


anyways last week have been going out with ben matt and rach
for i dunno how many days.. 3-4 days.. thats lots of going out
shit!

i needa stay home more. daddy is kinda angry with me
and everyone is too! hahas
im not saying la but its damn lame. oh low....


need a lots of money..

im on my own now.
this walk is between me and satan.
for all the things he did to me.
im gonna burn him so bad.
He can play God now. but the day
i walk out of my misery, is the day he dies!











my ans to my title; Its To Change!