❤haha!
okay.

hi ppl.
as you can see im pretty much tired and lame at this hour.
im so tired im bout to kill myself and.. idk? just so tired.

okay so came back from a movie and bbq ((:
yeah. i watched quarantine. ((: soooo swwwweeeeet!
for my opinion, i think quarantine is better than rec.
cause there are some hilarious parts, which is good to
enlighten frighten faint hearts like mine. half the time
i was screaming cause the scenes are so shocking, and
the ZOMBIE (not forgetting to mention) they look so
nasty and i think they stink! half the time i felt like puking
cause of the foaming, saliva and blood, and the *puking noise*
eww shit. i feel like doing it now. ew god! sick! but seriously.
i think ya'll should go watch it. its nice. ((:

and than from P.S we headed down for bbq, we ate, played songs,
made big fire, than played captain's ball (YAY!!) i was like the
crazy maniac screaming!!! hahas and i kept disturbing eugene so i
hit the ball away from him catching it.. and zieon got his hands dirty
by all the mud and he asked for a hi5 and i was like no thanks but
you can hi5 with my shoe, its says hi! ((: and oh yah, i swear i cleaning
the mud on every guy thats near me ((: including xiao didi-s ((: hahas
meanie.. yes.. ((: and i kicked AH HOCKS BUTT!! who ask him show me
his butt. but ah hock, if you're reading this, sorry if your pants kena mud )):

but oh wells. i think i had overall a very happy day, i didnt feel so stress like
the other days before. ((: i feel good, but than again happiness last awhile when
im around.. so fuck that.

anyhoooos. i will upload the pics soon, i hope. im so lazy.. hahahs
i think i'll be quite dead for awhile. i need to get away from the world.
so yeah, i feel so dead inside now. i feel like im lifeless like seriously,
only because one of my bestest friend in the world, ALEX, is so sick,
im getting out of my house and being very nice to cook pasta for him.
yes i know some of you are like " ehhh you bias sia!!" ya ya ya whatever..
get really sick and maybe i'll cook for you other than that go to hell! hahas.
i got a feeling he's got anorexia. home sick for bout a month and everything,

hun, please look after yourself, you already so skinny, now even skinner!
my heart pain you know, like, seriously i almost cried, i felt so sad for alex.
i thought he'll be happy that he's getting away from the world and everything,
but little did i expected, he turned out to be homesick, i guess its still US that
keeps his world go round and i think without alex, gavin, kevin, KG, daniel,
nikki rachael, carol, xian, i am nothing now. its really them that colour my world ((:
retards and risk takers that stayed with me through the thick and thin and slippery ((:
really thankful. and of course i have many wonderful church friends not forgetting!
but yeah.

my heart is really broken seeing alex like that. i dont want anything to happen to him,
if not i really dont know what am i going to do. )): i hope he'll feel better! ((:
ALEX! WE'VE YET TO GO U.S. TO SEE A7X SO YOU BETTER BE ALIVE
OR WHEN I REACH HEAVEN AND SEE YOU THERE, I'LL SO KICK YOUR
PATHETIC ( maybe dont even have) ASS! yeah! rmb this man! tag me if you see this
which i doubt you will. cant even play your psp properly. bleah.. get gavin to read you.
he knows how my accent will go.. HAHAHAHAHA -historical laughters-...

thinking back, i and kg dont really know each other like till a few months ago.
even though i partied the biggest party at his home 2 years ago..
amazingly we look almost splitting twins.
like he's got the handsome look and everything but he's still gay in my opinion
cause there's only one me in this world, ya! hahas. yeah whatever. but it was that
bbq where he lent me his bike and thought me some tricks with it, which i still cant
master. thats bad. i think its because im afraid of falling again and fracturing my wrist..
so i guess so. yeah.. im pretty much tired and..

OH YEAH i think i'll be changing my line to prepaid or can say use both.. hahas.
need to maintain my bill man. man dingo at home is pissed like shit.
and i dont wanna offend my dad, cause i'm left with one month
to prove to daddy im worth going back to school and i will study properly again.

i told myself, laura you need to wake up, you needa do something. yeah i have to
change. i think im becoming worst im terms of temper and my limits cant stretch
much and i get agitated alot. and worst of all, i've become really quiet when im at
home with my family, i just dont wanna talk to any of them like, i feel there's nothing
my dad needs to know bout what is happening to me, the shit around me thats going
on. idk, i think at some point i hate my dad for thinking he really knows me, which
i doubt he even knows what im thinking. i feel so unsecured at times at home. like,
im in my own world, blogging, dairy-ing when all he thinks, i've fallen and not bothering.
like fuck! im trembling, im trying to bring myself to term with what has happen in
the past few years, which i think i've yet to forget. kenny and his dearest that committed
suicide, the friend that i know who will be there for me till the very end. so much
memories. im holding onto everything with my strength and everything i got.
and all daddy can say those shit to me? like do anyone REALLY REALLY know me!?

no one knows who i really am when im alone, maybe the exception of alex.. cause
he's insane enough to almost bang my gate down. ya..i've only left with my eyes
to see what the rest of world is giving me, and keeping my mouth shut to wait for
karma cause im tired of fighting back and im left with very little emotions to toy with,
i am already sick of how the world is treating me, well i may be invisible to my family,
fair enough, im the odd one out like nelson is, one drug addict and another emo.
yeah so what my whole family is book smart and shit? like i give a fucking damn
to any fucking shitlings in my entire family. please! i am who i am and like i always
say, life's too short to be someone else.

seriously i've got enough shit from dickheads and my family. well if i could exchange
one thing, i wanna exchange my life for me to be a immortal. i dont wanna live this life.
no one fucking understands me. everyone thinks im a punk/scene/emo kid that
dont give a shit, you know what? i am a human with feelings, i deserve respect too,
do i get that? but nooooo, you're a sad kid who deserve to die!! i get family members insulting me (i wont name names, but you fucking know who you are!)
get friends telling me shit, i get dickheads busting around ith fake accounts,
but you know what? i aint gonna fall back, you may think i would just shut my mouth
because i am afraid? I AM NOT. cause what goes around comes around.

im not saying aceing your studies is bad, what im trying to say is,
doesnt mean you're the best, you can look down on ppl like me or anyone worst
than you and i are. seriously you ppl have too keep your fucking pile hole shut!!
you dont know how much we are bleeding inside because of loved ones dying and
the trauma we go through everyday. i can safely say i am not the bad ass i used to be,
but mean to some ass thinking they are"high and almighty" ya _l_ you in your face!

some ask what is holding me on, i can safely say is God, e361, my retard friends...
and memories i dont wanna lose. i can say that i am foolish at times, but i think
im breaking inside, i feel no love, no emotions, no life. call me which ever you want,
though i laugh and smile alot, its only because i dont wanna spoil anybody's day and
if i were to be myself, no one in the world would dare sit next to me in the train. it
happened once. i am not "fake" nor either can i say i am "real". i am just following
whats right for me to be respectful to others. but some thinks im otherwise..

im not posting to gain any sympathy, well i dont fucking need that cause i dont know
what the fuck is that, cause in this world, anything can be real and fake.
i've gone through what most kids dont want their parents to do.
i've gone through my gangster days, i've gone through being casted aside,
i've gone through every fucking shit i doubt no one wants to go through.
you think im strong? hah! hell no!

i think its very clear. some just dont understand, some just dont care..
some just love to think every otherwise. yeah, i have friends coming up to
me and say that im really wise at some point of a situation, why am i still stuck
in a "trend" like that, answer is simple, the world cant change for you, only you
can change for the world. but should i be the one to start when no one listens even
if you're screaming at the top of your lungs till your throat's sore like hell? no one
is gonna listen. im tired of trying to reason things out, im tired of standing still,
im tired of sheltering those in need (thats the reason why i shoooo alot of pple of,
i dont wanna listen to your fucking crap.) im tired of all else, i need a break.
i need a shoulder to cry one. im tired of all this shit that going round, im tired..
im tired im tired, im tired of your complainings and
whinning how life suck(though it really doesn't seem to me..)

how bout me? whose gonna listen to me? whose gonna kick ass with me?
i know alex, kev,gav, kg, carol and daniel will. i know nikki rach and xian will.
(i love love love them!)

i know of friends who use my name to get"discounts" (not for shop use)
i know of friends who try to be friends with me cause of idk what dumb reason
i know of friends who be friends with me cause they got no others to go to.

you know what? i hate you!
i hate you for causing my life miserable!
i hate you for using me!


its leaves me to say this _l_ YOU






usually i dont bother... not this time
hope i will blog soon..