okay rant rant rant.. amanda deleted her blog.
FUCK YA'LL SPAMMERS! fuck you _l_

well fuck you!
and fuck you still!

hmm. well. whatever in their face!

okay. jeremy had call me, and..
im feeeeeeeling supreme depressed..
i feel so sad. i feel 40 kinds of sadness.

well im had a reflection on my life.
he said he thinks im living life on the fast lane.
idk what he means. but i think i really have no
care in life. im not afraid of dying or living,
love or unloved, sadness or happiness.
i'm dead inside. i dare to be a bitch to everyone.
i dare to tell anyone and everyone off.
and im seriously dead over everything.

idk? im turning very zombie like..
very introverted. like a freak. i refuse
to go out. till friends shout at me, i refuse
to listen to anyone. i refuse to do anything
unless its daily or something LIKE MY ROUTINE.
other than that i think im dead. im so fucking dead.
i need school i need to do something. NO.
i need to go to so a quite place to think.

though i feel so depressed. idk what i really feel.
after watching leap years using dvd. (i know, slowwwwwwww)
i did cry. i did feel sad. but at the same time, i feel dead.
i dont know what im feeling inside. its like i wanna be loved,
but than again i wanna be my own bf/gf. what the fuck is wrong with me?

entirely i think im a freak. i hate myself. i hate everything i know.
why cant you ppl just play along with me. why tell me? why ask?
i dont know anything of whats going on. i hate it. i haaaaaaaaaaatee
all the fucking shit i hear from my dad. i hate all the shit i have to let go.
i hate all that everyone is expecting from me. i hate all of you.
i feel all the sadness at this age. wtf? is this suppose to happen?
is this meant to be my destiny? i hate feeling sad inside and pretending
happy outside. i hate all this.

i hardly use hate. im using it now because you told me bout life.
i fucking hate this!

Dead shit never stop haunting my living,
if i had a chance to turn back time, i'd never
wanna know anyone. i wont wanna go through
all this, i hate my inner trance going on...

Fuck Everything I Stand For.
Who Am I?
- I Don't Know

the fallen liLsaint.
i've been riding on my nick for very long.
im pretty tired. i need to find who i was
two years ago, but memories seem faded from photos.
i dont remember anything, i need to be laura again.
saturday i was me. i was happy, the happiness i havent
felt in months. the emotion was better than my birthday cakes
and muffins and pies. better than gold given to me. better
than money that was given to me on cny. better than presents
on x'mas. better than any colour you find in a crayon box.

but now its fading. happiness comes to stay for awhile,
while, sadness stays for very long.. i cant breathe the taste
of dead air inside of me. the plague that contributed to me by
all broken promises, i need to tear down this steadfast wall,
for restrains in my life are useless, the taste of salvation is far
from what i remembered.

though i have haters and what nots.
my life might be bitter to you, but i have much
better friends and life society than you will ever have.
i know myself than anyone else to judge.
im not perfect i have my flaws but im much more
compassionate than you'll ever be.

for ppl who dont know me, thinks im fierce,
you look at me, you get intimidated, cause i dont
smile at you cause i dont know you,
thus you tell my friends that i have a fierce look,
i'm like a demon trapped in a human body.
get to know me before you start your horrendous rant bout me.
my past maybe blissfool. my future is bleak. my present is still living.
so stop trying to put me down because of my appearance.

what you see is not what you get.

dont believe try asking my friends around me, be it
my girlfriends, my cyber friends, my bff-s, my church friends.
ask them before you fucking judge me. if you find i treat you differently,
apperantly i do, to some ignorant menapaustic coackroaches.
ask yourselves why? i did nothing to you, you did something that
makes you look like a fool, trying to manipulate me with your looks,
thinking i would be afraid of you after you saw my BLACK face, so hard
trying to intimidate me. YAH try harder. i aint afraid of you wild ass.. =.=

or for the other shytlings that thinks im fierce, you tell your friends also mine,
to tell me to not look so fierce. =.= so my friends tell me you dare not say hi,
well if i LOOK so hard to say hi at, than dont say hi. i dont need to be acknowledge
that liLsaint is here. i dont consider myself a big a shot or something, yeah. i do not
need your spastic sarcasm remarks, and your wanting to say hi. so stop your rant
bout me, kiss my ass for fuck's sakes.